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"Boss boss boss!"

"Yes, over-eager and generally annoying junior publicist I asked to come up with something for this weekend's race at Pocono?"

"I've got it!  I've got it!"

"Hope you're not allergic to penicillin."

"What?"

"Never mind.  So what have you come up with to promote a race at the most wretched track NASCAR uses?"

"What, there's a wrench there?  You'd figure there'd be more than one with all the cars there and..."

"Not wrench, you Real World reject!  Wretch!"

"Do you want me to get you some nausea medicine?"

"I'm going to need it in a minute.  Now tell me your idea before I get a migraine as well."

"Well, remember how you told me to come up with something for Pocono that'll make it compelling viewing..."

"Do you always repeat every assignment back to the person who gave it to you?  Here, let me finish so I can at least hear it from me.  Pocono is the most despised track there is.  The track is too long.  The races there take forever.  There's no such thing as side by side racing; everyone gets strung out from the word go.  Nothing good ever happens there.  And the third turn is the most treacherous in the sport.  The slightest slip there and you're pancake batter.  One of the greatest contributing factors to Denny Hamlin winning both races there last year was he's young enough to stay awake the whole time.  The only reason NASCAR comes here twice is because it's the closest track to the Philadelphia-New York City corridor.  Now, did you come up with anything above and beyond the obvious?"

"Yes yes yes!  It's the perfect tie-in!"

"The only tying I want to do is you to a tree.  But humor me  What's your tie-in?"

"What's the hottest sport around?"

"Watching Paris Hilton go to jail?"

"Who?"

"Okay, there is some hope for you.  So what's the hottest sport?"

"Ultimate fighting!"

"Yeah, if you want to call barroom brawling a sport.  And exactly how does this tie into NASCAR?"

"Perfectly!  What's the hottest story in NASCAR?"

"That would be Kurt Busch getting fined a hundred grand and docked a hundred points for his little pit row dust-up with Tony Stewart earlier this week at Dover.  And again I ask what the tie-in might be."

"Check out the ad I designed!"

"Let me see that... um, kid."

"Yeah yeah yeah?"

"'The Brawl To End It All -- Kurt 'Bad Apple' Busch vs. Tony 'Terrible' Stewart?'"

"Right right right!"

"Please tell me this isn't all you've got."

"Oh no!  There's another one!"

"That being?"

"'The Triumphant Return Of Bill Weber!'"

"We'll go with the ultimate fighting."